Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
