People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
