i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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