your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
