i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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