hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
