You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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