I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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