um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
