Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
