saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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