i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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