Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
