I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
