I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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