I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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