dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
