i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
