"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
