Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Send help, water and tortillas.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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