Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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