So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
