You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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