Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
