just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
