Will you blow on my dice?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
