We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
