I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
