you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
