her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
