First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
