Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
