he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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