do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think we might need a safe word for this...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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