I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
