he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
