you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You took a bar mat shot.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
