he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
