Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
