Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
