is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
