sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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