I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
