I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
