I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
