guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
