i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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