my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i need some magic done to my vagina
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
