Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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