I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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